I love ya, ma.

It is a sad, sad day. Estelle Getty, better known as Sophia Petrillo, has died. I felt like I knew her better than I did my own grandmother. She was a real firecracker and the world isn't as funny without her in it. Everyone who knows me knows that I love the Golden Girls, so as my tribute to Sophia Petrillo, I would like to share some of her funniest lines.

Sophia: I found my lucky handkerchief
Rose: Where was it?
Sophia: It was in my bra
Rose: What was it doing in your bra?
Sophia: I was blowing my breasts, Rose!

Dorothy: Ma, I DON’T snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn’t inhale the drapes!

Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and it's starting to get on my nerves.

Dorothy: Well Blanche is certainly taking her sister's novel better than I would. I would kill my sister Gloria if she ever wrote about my sex life.
Sophia: You would kill your sister over a pamphlet?

Rose: You must be tired after your cab trip.
Sophia: Why? I RODE in the cab! I didn't push it!

Sophia: Make way for the victors.
Rose: You won the big game?
Sophia: No, Rose. We lost and we all changed our names to Victor.

Rose: Heaven is full of cows, chickens, horses and pigs...
Sophia: I hope Heaven has boots!

Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.

Sophia: [playing Scrabble with Dorothy] I win!
Dorothy: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. There is no such word as that!
Sophia: There certainly is.
Dorothy: Fine. I'll look it up, and if it isn't in the dictionary, I win.
Sophia: We don't have a dictionary.
Dorothy: Yes we do.
Sophia: Not anymore, the robbers took it.
Dorothy: They stole our dictionary?
Sophia: That's right. Too bad.
Dorothy: Ma, "disdam" is not a word! You made it up.
Sophia: It's a word!
Dorothy: Fine. Use it in a sentence.
Sophia: You're no good at disdam game!

Dorothy: We're interested in arranging a funeral.
Mr. Pfeiffer: Isn't that lovely. The three of you planning ahead for Mother.
Sophia: Hey, Puh-feiffer, how would you like a punch in your puh-face?

Blanche: I am abhorred!
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.

Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a long, hot, steamy bath with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms.
Sophia: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?!

Sophia: Look Rose, God doesn't make mistakes, we were all put on this planet for a purpose. Blanche, you're here to work in a museum so that art can be appreciated by humanity. Dorothy, you're here as a substitute teacher to educate our youth. And Rose, you're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the 20's.

Dorothy: Ma, why do you constantly look for ways to amuse yourself at my expense?
Sophia: Because we don't have cable and I can't crochet. This is who I am Dorothy. Learn to live with it, or medicate me!

Blanche: Dorothy's looking through her high school yearbook to see who's all dead.
Sophia: That's my pussycat, fun, fun, fun!

Blanche: Sophia, I've decided to wear this little watch on a chain nestled cunningly in my cleavage. Do I need anything else?
Sophia: Implants.

And finally, to the tune of "Thanks for the Memories"...

Thanks for the Medicare / For Blue Cross and Blue Shield / For a hip that finally healed / Remember, on prescriptions, generic is a steal / We thank you so much!

With love,
Pussycat

It takes a village ... of idiots.

I had a dream last night that I met a guy named Paddy Guerran at a bar, and then in my dream I had a "flash forward" sequence (literally in the dream it said "Three years later.") and Paddy and I were getting married. So if you are out there, Paddy, come and find me! And also know that I'll likely refer to you as Pat, because Paddy just feels a little too Old World for me. Sorry!


So my sister has yet to send me the pictures she took on the 4th of July, but in the meantime I have to relay a story. We went to the Borgata Casino on July 3rd for their fireworks display. (Apparently they didn't get the memo that July 4th fireworks usually take place on the 4th, but whatever.) The show didn't start until after 9pm, which is way past baby Brendan's bedtime, but it was his first 3rd of July fireworks show so a bedtime exception was made.

After the show ended, we had to wait for the crowds to die down and then get the car from the valet. During this time, Brendan was stimulated by the blinking lights and recycled air of the casino (as we all were!) but the minute we got into the quiet, cozy car, he wanted to fall asleep. Now, apparently if you let a baby doze off for even just a few minutes ahead of their bedtime, they wake up from the nap crabby, screaming, and with little desire to go back to sleep for the night. So it was the job of Brendan's parents, uncle and three aunts to make the most inhospitable sleeping environment for him during the 20 minute ride home.

It started innocently enough: Aunt Cindy distracted him by letting him play with her ring and then her bracelet, then Aunt Kimberly sang the Cookie Monster hit "Cookie Starts with C", dad Sean gently tapped on his head, and Uncle Chris turned on every light in the car. Even with all of these distractions, Brendan still wanted to go to sleep. That's when we had to pull out the big guns... THE cd.
Brendan is quite a dancer, and his favorite song to dance to is "Temperature" by Sean Paul, so a CD with that song is always kept in the car for situations like this. We turned that song up as loud as possible to get him to start dancing. It worked, so we continued to the next song on the cd, "Miss New Booty" by Bubba Sparxxx. Soon the music and dancing wasn't enough to keep him awake, so we resorted to singing. Yes, six white adults were in a car driving through Atlantic City singing "Booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere!" at the top of our lungs to to a one year old. But it worked! We made it home and got the little guy in his crib in just the nick of time.



Seriously people, when I tell you that my family is crazy, I really, really mean it!

Eek!

So I wanted to blog tonight, but I forgot that Pawject Wunway started tonight, so therefore my evening was IMMEDIATELY booked up! I had to begin judging each of the designers before I got to know them. I have a love-hate thing going with Blayne, and Suede is sooo on my nerves. This cast seems a little ... dull yet arrogant compared to previous casts. And how has Heidi Klum gotten so far knowing so little English?

Anway, I will leave you all with a funny photo that a classmate from grade school posted on Facebook. This is from kindergarten. Can you guess which one is me???? I'll give you a hint: I was the tallest kid in my class until the boys hit puberty around 5th grade.

Pop off, son!

Hello blog-readers! (if any of you are still reading this...)

It's another crazy Friday night and here I am, writing my blog. Don't be jealous! I did go to dinner with Chris and Maria and Dave to celebrate Dave's big 5-0 (actually it's the big 3-1, but after 30 you might as well just say you're 50... you have one foot in the grave anyway) but Chris and his itchy self decided not to go out afterwards, and since he was my ride I had to go home too.

After dinner as we waited for the valet, I decided to go across the street to get Ben's Chili Bowl to go since it's a DC landmark and I've never eaten there before. Let's just say that there is a very good chance that it will remain a place that I've never eaten at before. As I waited in line, a homeless man in a wheelchair refused to move from the entrance, so no one could get in and no one could get out. As a security guard/hot dog cook tried tro get him to move, the homeless man peed in his pants. In the doorway. Did I mention that I was wearing flip flops? It was easily one of the most disgusting and sad things I have ever seen. I never knew that something could make me lose my appetite but that did it! So, Ben's Chili Bowl, you will remain a mystery to me.

The 4th of July was fun... pictures will follow. We had a family trip to the beach, including my sister and her boyfriend and their little dog too! It was B-Dogg's first 4th of July, and just to show how out of shape I am, I pulled a muscle in my arm while tossing Brendan into the air above my head. It just made him laugh so hard whenever I would raise him up over my head, so I kept doing it and doing it, and the next thing I know I pulled a muscle. But it was worth it! If you're lucky, I'll also post the pictures of me and Chris riding the tandem bicycle... we looked like we just rolled off the short bus.

Speaking of B-Dogg, he was recently baptized (I welcomed him into a life of guilt as a Catholic) and he turned one year old! His birthday party was probably more fun for the grandparents, who as retirees viewed the birthday party as a chance to get wasted :) Chris and I were sent to the grocery store to buy more beer for them, and of course Chris discovered they also sold huge mylar balloons shaped like ponies, so we checked out with the most random purchase ever: a Heineken mini-keg, a case of bottled beer, and a giant pony balloon.

This is all I have for right now. I have a big Saturday ahead of me: cleaning (my roommate Belle sheds like crazy and needs to have her litter box cleaned), doing laundry, and sitting on Dave's deck in the sunshine, so I have to get to bed. I promise not to wait a whole month before writing again, and as soon as I have 4th o' July pictures I will post them!
Gnight y'all!